The other day I was scrolling through Instagram on my lunch break, saw this post by Alex Stephen – @alexstephendesign and immediately shared it to my story. This cheerful illustration struck a chord with me, reminding me how much this topic has affected me over the years. I thought it would be interesting to revive my blog by sharing some of my personal competitive struggles and how I got over them.
I think I started viewing creativity as a competition when I was at college, transitioning from studying graphics for a couple of hours a week to deciding that this was the lane I wanted to commit to. Unlike at school, there were a few others who were serious about being in the lane too. From the beginning, my practice was rarely about what I had learnt or what made me happy, I was often preoccupied with whether my work was better or worse than everybody else’s and my creativity suffered as a result. At university this issue escalated, by the time things were heating up towards the end of my third year, the anxiety was difficult to hide. I just thought ‘If I can’t run as fast as them, why participate in the race?’ Looking at everybody else will only slow you down. My first piece of advice is to run in the race because you love running. And then worry about beating your personal best. When friends finished our course with firsts and I didn’t, I couldn’t cope with it. I then focussed my attention on having to get an internship before them to validate myself. Try not to be bitter towards somebody because they worked their arse off. I Know you may feel like you tried harder because you stayed up until 5am working but everybody that gets a first deserves it. If I had ran at a consistent and steady pace, I would have done better. Let other creatives who are killing it inspire rather than scare you and you will only improve.
When I returned home, I missed everything about Uni but mostly my friends. I missed the sagging orange sofas in my house where we talked all night and the notes we pinned to each other’s desks. Even though I had missed everybody so much, I dreaded graduation and having to tell people that things weren’t going well. From looking at social media, I knew that many of my class members had also moved to London. It would have cost a text and £4.95 to go for a pint with them, find out how they got their internships and see how they were doing. I thought everybody was better than me and they wouldn’t like me anymore because I was working at Mcdonalds and they all had design jobs. They were landing dream opportunities and winning the real competitions, for example The Adobe Awards and became MISTD’s. Instead of a one word message just saying ‘Congratulations!’ I retreated into a ball like a hedgehog and showed them my spines. I didn’t consider that what most people post on instagram isn’t how they are really doing – after all, as designers, are we not trained to make things look more interesting than they are?
Like many others, I finished university with a group closer to me than my family and a wide network of others scattered around the country who I couldn’t pick up the phone and ring because I felt we were in competition. I didn’t consider until a solid two years later that maybe everybody was struggling with these things too, that maybe my fierce competitive streak had really alienated me and it was a time when we probably all needed a friend.
At University of Lincoln, for those uninitiated, there is a manifesto for the Graphic Design course called the ‘Start Stop’ manifesto which includes the words ‘Start making us jealous’ and I think that I understand what this means now. Another key piece of advice is to allow yourself to be jealous and think ‘That’s an amazing idea, why didn’t I think of that?’ but then say ‘Well done’. Dropping a fire emoji on instagram will take 3 seconds of your time. It will make someone’s day, it will rekindle a relationship with a friend and grow your network. It seems obvious, but I don’t think it is. When was the last time you told a friend their work was great? I’m sure you do remember dragging them in the pub last week though. I looked at the manifesto on the wall of the studio every day but it has taken a long time for me to listen. Eventually, I did start opening up and talking to people about how hard I was finding things, a friend shared my portfolio on social media and described me as a ‘talented designer’. At the time, I couldn’t grasp why he would say that. Why would he help me when he could be focussing on getting a better job for himself? It’s a human phenomena known as being friends and I started to realise that the competition was in my head.
But I had not banished my demons and invited them to the party when I did start to get work. It took many internships and job experiences for me to realise that truly being ‘the best’ takes more than technical ability, it is mostly about working hard and being nice to people. I once met somebody who had an ISTD award but didn’t know who Wim Crowell was and strongly resented them for it. But knowing who he was hadn’t made me a better designer, the hurdles of software knowledge and time management skills that I had yet to master were tripping me up. Creativity is not a competition because we all know different things, so how can any of us even be in the same category? Training others in the workplace and sharing the skills that I have picked up, wanting them to ‘Start making me jealous, Stop playing safe’ helped me to finally drop this mindset once and for all.
By competing with others, I forgot why I wanted to be a designer in the first place. Which was because I liked London Underground posters and the smell of copic markers. I remembered those that had helped me with the printer and hand modelled for beauty shots at 3am for me and that I used to help them too. Even the shit bits of Uni were fun because we always had each other and it is nice when that sense of camaraderie can be replicated at work. Creativity is not a competition. It is to be shared and enjoyed. I don’t want to pretend to be an advice guru but I think that I have learnt a lot! So next time you are stalking a friend and you feel that they are ahead, just tell them they are doing well, focus on your new projects on the horizon and keep jogging.
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